Today is better than yesterday.....tomorrow should be easier yet. (I hope) It's going to take a LONG time to recover from the loss of our incredible Kassidy on the 11th of July 2012....but sadly, life goes on. Without her, it will not be the same. It cannot be. It will have lost a great deal of the unfettered joy she brought to it. This world will be a lesser place without her in it. The pic of her standing here was taken at 8 years old. We actually thought she was going to live to a ripe old age. We were wrong. 7 weeks almost to the day from diagnosis and meds to the day we lost her. Damn.
I have a very old friend in Idaho who has lost several of her precious Dobes to this indidious DCM that plagues the Doberman Breed. This was my first. I don't know how she managed to get through it enough so that she was willing to try with the breed again.
I love Dobermans, and have had them in my life for over half of it. I have lost 11 of them during that time period. But none to such a horrid thing as this DCM.I will remember the look of abject fear in Kassidy's eyes when she was struggling for oxygen, till the day I join her. Keith and I both held her and told to "let go, baby....let go and fly high and free". As dearly and totally as I loved this incredible dog, I was actually relieved when she drew her last breath and collapsed for the final time. She wasn't frightened any longer, she was not in pain from lack of oxygen and straining to stay alive. A look of peace came onto her beautiful face and she was gone. It was a terrible day I will live with for the rest of my life. God, how I miss her beautiful soft head under my hand. Her little "root" to my arm when I was on the computer. Things that are dear to my heart. GOOD things. Memories of love.
Do I want to take the chance of seeing another go through this? I don't know at this point for sure, but my heart is telling me NO WAY.
Her daughter, Kenzie, is automatically taking over a lot of the things that Kassidy did. She is trying so very hard, and doing a great job.....but when it all comes down to it....she is not her mom...and cannot be. Bless her heart. She is stepping up to the plate in some ways I had never given her credit for.....and also mourning in her own way the loss of her beloved mother. She has never been away from Kassidy since the day she was born right here in my office. So this is difficult for her. We love her, she's being a great girl and I hug her a lot.
The one of the dogs here who is deeply mourning and having a really difficult time of it is our lovely little Zoey. She and Kassidy were fast friends from the getgo....and have been hunting buddies every seaason of Zoey's life. They hunted rabbits, shared snake prowls, chased birds, layed together in the sun and I'm sure, thoroughly discussed the pros and cons of each others' hunting prowess for the day. She misses her Kassidy desperately and spends a great deal of her time just sitting and staring at the yard where they played so rambunctiously on a daily basis. She has to do her mourning in her own way, and will not be hurried. Bless her gigantic little heart.
She became a seriously effective little snake hunter at a very early age, after learning from Kassidy. She hasn't even gone out to the fenceline in the last two days.
She became a seriously effective little snake hunter at a very early age, after learning from Kassidy. She hasn't even gone out to the fenceline in the last two days.
Keith and I? Well, we have the responsibility of the other dogs and their well being.....and it kinda keeps things on a more even keel than if Kassidy was our only dog. She ruled the roost around here with a big stick and a quiet paw, and the "pack" is kind of irratic right now. So we have to keep some kind of order till things level out. It's difficult. I dream of her a lot.....all night last night, as a matter of fact. Woke up in tears a couple times. He's a little more stoic than I am. I lose it a lot.
The TFT babies are actually helping some of the pain around here. God, Kassidy loved babies. ANY babies, and was totally enjoying these. Sadly, they won't have the chance all the others have had to run and play with "the big dog". Kassidy's apple tree is one of the things that is absolutely tearing both Keith and I to pieces. She waited every year for the apples to come.....and she's been testing out the little green ones on the bottom branches for about 2-3 weeks. She waits till they're getting ripe, singles out the one she wants and then jumps up to 3-4 feet in the air to grab it right off the branch. She sometimes spent hours with her apple tree. We told her a few weeks ago she had to hang on till her apples were ripe. It didn't work.
The TFT babies are actually helping some of the pain around here. God, Kassidy loved babies. ANY babies, and was totally enjoying these. Sadly, they won't have the chance all the others have had to run and play with "the big dog". Kassidy's apple tree is one of the things that is absolutely tearing both Keith and I to pieces. She waited every year for the apples to come.....and she's been testing out the little green ones on the bottom branches for about 2-3 weeks. She waits till they're getting ripe, singles out the one she wants and then jumps up to 3-4 feet in the air to grab it right off the branch. She sometimes spent hours with her apple tree. We told her a few weeks ago she had to hang on till her apples were ripe. It didn't work.
Right now, I'd like to cut that damned tree down.
Hug your dogs.....hold them close....let them know every day how precious they are to you.
Later..................
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