Our Beloved KASSIDY

The day before yesterday, Kassidy - our coming 10-year-old black Doberman bitch - made all the sounds that the average person would attibute to something being caught in her throat. (On three different occasions)
I've spent too many years with the breed to not recognize a "Cardio Cough" when I hear it.  BUT.......I let it go for a bit....hoping against hope.  No such luck.....rushed her into the vet yesterday afternoon, following a 4th episode in the same day, and each one getting a bit worse.  Labored breathing, pounding heart, bouncy beats, gaggy noises.  In between THOSE episodes were the ones of panting for no reason, and while panting, her tongue got kind of a purple tinge to it.  Nope....off to the vet.

Timberland Veterinary Hospital, owned and operated by Dr. Cheryl McDermott and manned by some of the greatest gals in history......rushed us in without an appointment the instant I told them what was going on.

Dr Cheryl did a basic exam on Kassidy and then got her onto the xray table to see how much fluid was building up in her chest, causing her to display the labored and difficult breathing.  There was so much in there you could barely see the outline of her heart.  Which was just POUNDING to get the blood into her system.  (Heart breaking for me, painful and scarey for Kassidy)

She was given a huge injection of Lasix to relieve the fluid and sent home with Vetmedin, more Lasix and Enalapril to try to regulate the severity of her pounding irregular heart.  The Lasix began working very quickly and the other meds finally started showing results in the middle of the night.  This morning she woke a calmer, more like-herself girl.  But still subdued and looking somewhat worried.

We had her at the vet's for her follow up exam and chest xray at 9:30am, to find that the xray showed a reduction in the amount of fluid buildup.  Enough was gone that we could now see her heart clearly.  That proved to be a double edged sword  Now there was no question about the diagnosis. Dilated Cardio Myopathy.  She is going to die.  Sooner or later.....but I suspect not MUCH later.

Now it's the HOW moreso than the WHEN that concerns me.  I love this dog so dearly, and so does my husband, that I'm not sure either of us could stand by while she was being put to sleep.  BUT, I will not let her go alone.  On the other hand, if God is with her and smiling......she will be outside playing with the other dogs  (or chassing a bird) and JUST STOP being.  No pain, no fear, no stress.....she'll just stop.  That's the BEST scenario.

The other possibility is not a pleasant one.  This nasty disease can take another direction.....CONGESTIVE HEART FAILURE.  I cannot allow that to happen to her.  I will not.  A progression down that road can only be controlled to a limited degree....and then they pretty much drown in their own fluids.  I WILL let her go before that happens.  I will hug her, let her know how much I love her, how much I will miss her, convey to her what having her in my life has meant to me and how it has been enriched because of her.....and I'll send her on her way to meet her sire, dam and relatives and friends who have gone on before.

Then, with a broken heart,  I will try to remember the good times, the happy times in our lives together....and not the days near or at the end of her too short life.                                         

I will remember her as a puppy

Then as the crazy and happy doberman girl that she has been all her life. 

And as the one who loved to steal apples from the tree and strawberries right off the vine.

I'll remember all the love and joy she has shared with us, the gorgeous happy puppies she gave us in the two litters she had, and the joy SHE took in not only HER babies,

but ALL babies....everywhere she could sense one.

I will rejoice that she was in my life, because she enriched it to a degree I cannot even give it words.

  To just sit and watch her;  her gorgeous profile, her lustrous "knowing" eyes, her body language that spoke on its own and spoke mostly to those she loved.....and said it all.

Those are just a few of the thingsthat have  filled my life with joy and mostly brought happy tears to my eyes.

Kassidy is an original....unique within a breed that has so many amazing members.

She was and is...and always will be   My Special Girl.....